Gever Tulley: 5 dangerous things you should let your kids do

Being the responsible parents we’d like to think we are, we interviewed a pediatrician a couple months before Noah was born.  We planned on interviewing a few and then deciding which to go with.  But the first pediatrician we interviewed really aced our novice questioning and eased our concerns so we decided to not go any further and settled with her.  This would prove to be a mistake.

We reported to her as requested a few days after Noah was born.  Here is how it went.

After a bit of a wait we were taken into the examination room where we were asked questions about Noah by the attending nurse.  This was all seemed normal enough.  Being new parents and having never taken a kid to the pediatricians office before we were admittedly unprepared.  Amber has just finished feeding Noah and he was asleep in the car seat.  Since we didn’t know what to expect we had left the diaper bag in the car, after all, he was asleep and would be fine for over an hour at this point.  Right?

We were very rudely informed by the nurse that we should AlWAYS have the diaper bag with us and we had made a major mistake in not bringing it in.  She treated us like children from the start.  She was very demanding and we both got the sense that she took us for idiots and treated us a such.  I don’t mind admitting that we were new at this whole thing, but I don’t think that we needed to be treated like we couldn’t follow simple instructions.  Anyway, that set us off on the wrong foot.

Next the doctor came in.  The doctor that we had felt so confident about.  She proceeded to examine Noah.  She asked the standard questions including wether he was feeding well and we answered that yes, he was feeding well and that his impressive weight gain was further proof that he was doing fine with eating.  She then pointed out that he might have some slight tongue tie and that it could be an issue when feeding if left untreated.

Again we made it clear that he was eating fine and that we hadn’t noticed it being an issue.  She continued to insist that it WAS an issue and that we needed to take care of it immediately.  She said she knew the perfect person for the job and that THEY would make the appointment for today, because this could not wait.

I’ll admit my first thought was, what about insurance?  We don’t know if our insurance is going to cover this and we haven’t had any time to think about it.  What the heck is going on?  Obviously we want the best for our child, but this was a huge shock, especially since we weren’t having any issue with him feeding.

She insisted and sent her nurse to make the appointment.  We sat alone in the exam room for about 30 minutes waiting for her to return.  When she did return she said that we could leave, but that she still had not gotten ahold of the doctor so she would be contacting us with the appointment time once she had it.

We decided after such an experience that we wouldn’t be returning and we didn’t make another appointment.  I had taken Noah to the car.  Right as Amber was leaving the nurse caught her and gave her the details on the appointment for later that day.

Alone in the care we discussed our experience and both felt very apprehensive about the forced procedure and decided that we should take some time to think about it before we did it so we called to cancel the appointment.  Turns out the reason that the nurse gave for the procedure was that Noah was having trouble feeding.  This was the last straw and immediately called our second choice pediatrician for an appointment.

Our experience with this new pediatrician was amazing.  It was night and day!  From the start they let us go into an examination room immediately to prevent any contact with sick kids in the waiting room.  The doctor never mentioned the tongue tie and was also amazed at how well Noah was gaining wait.  And when we brought up the tongue tie she said that she would never recommend it in this situation.  She would only be concerned if Noah wasn’t gaining weight or if he was noticeably having trouble feeding.

We were relieved to have found someone that was willing to talk us through things instead of just jumping to conclusions and lying about the reasons for a procedure.  It’s hard having these kinds of experiences because it always casts doubts on future interactions with doctors.  But I’m going to be asking for a second opinion on anything that seems a bit off.

How strange to be a parent and have to make these kinds of decisions.  For the first time in my life we are responsible for someone else.   We have to make decisions for someone and some of which could be literally life and death.  It’s a daunting responsibility.  I pray that we don’t take it lightly and that we make the right decisions.

I’ll refrain from advertising our first pediatrician.  But if you’re in the Colorado Springs area and are looking for a great pediatrician check out Wee Care Pediatric.

After the birth I was worn out. I was alert because of the excitement but I felt like I had just taken some antihistamine, like I was in a haze. I figured after a couple hours of sleep and something to eat I would feel a lot better. Over three weeks later I’m still waiting for it to wear off entirely.

I knew there was going to be less sleep and definitely more diaper changing. But I can’t think of anything that would have adequately prepared me for the experience. There is a lack of sleep and time starts to blur. Since he feeds at a set schedule 24/7 it was hard to tell when a day ended and the next day began. It was three hour intervals regardless of the actual time of day. So days became weeks and I lost track of what day it was much less what time it was. It seems like there would be more structure since he eats on a specific schedule but that wasn’t the case for me. At the end of the first three weeks I was ready for some structure in my day. But four days into it I still don’t feel like I know what’s going on. People always said that kids would run your life, my skepticism of that statement has faded quickly.

We have been following the suggestions made in the book Baby Wise which advocates putting your child on a schedule that you determine. So far this has worked out pretty well. It’s still a struggle but its benefits are already becoming evident. When we first started going over this book in preparation for Noahs arrival it seemed like this would be the key to not letting kids run our lives. But that’s only half the story. Yes, as the parent you can determine the actual time of day that you want to have the baby feed, sleep and stay awake. But you still have to do it in 3-4hr intervals. So there is a very limited amount of time for other activities. If Noah eats well it takes about an hour to do so. Then you have about half an hour where he is awake and content, then it’s nap time. So you only have about an hour and a half of time when he is napping to do other things. It’s pretty time consuming for Amber.

It’s nuts how quickly time is flying. It’s already nearing the end of the fourth week in Noah’s life. Almost a month old. He already looks and acts completely differently than when he was born. It is all happening very quickly. I’m worried I’m going to go to bed one night and wake up 10 years later.

A lot of people are surprised when they hear that Amber gave birth at home.  Originally our plan was to do it naturally (no medications and the very least amount of interventions) in the hospital.  All along I was pushing for a home birth, but convincing Amber was tough.  I tried to leave it up to her and not really pressure her into anything since she was going to be doing most of the work. But after thinking it over and discussing it we decided that since it’s such a natural process that we should do it the natural way in the comfort of our home.

We enrolled in a 12 week class to learn how to give birth naturally using the ‘Bradley Method‘.  We had a really good instructor and the overall experience was great (although, we watched a birth on video every week, which was weird).  After taking the class I felt prepared and pretty confident about the whole thing.  It seemed to be relatively straight forward.

Then it happened.  The contractions started around midnight on April 2nd, but they weren’t painful so Amber went back to sleep (I was snoozing and don’t recall this at all).  At around 3am the contractions started to become more painful and woke Amber up, misery loves company, so she woke me up (just kidding Amber).  In order to keep things going at a consistent rate I forced Amber to walk a lot.  We walked circles around our house for awhile until the contractions became too difficult to continue walking.  The rest of the time we spent in our room slowly progressing through labor.

For me (and I know I didn’t have the hard job here) labor wasn’t too bad, the worst part was not knowing how long it would last.  I think knowing the end time would have made it easier because then I would have had a goal we were heading towards.  Since it was just up in the air, waiting for it to be over was the hardest part.

After a few hours I felt I needed some backup so we called the midwife and her assistant over.  Even with the midwives there it was pretty much up to me to care for Amber.  In fact I didn’t even really notice them there.  It was awesome being able to support her and help her through the contractions.  It really brought us closer together.  Seeing Amber go through something so painful has given me a newfound respect for her.  As the hours passed we became more and more exhausted.  In the craziness of labor I forgot to eat anything, so I was running on a glass of orange juice and a hard boiled egg and towards the end it was starting to affect me.

Thirteen hours later Noah took his first breath.  Ten hours of labor and three hours of pushing paid off.  I can’t even find the words to explain what it was like seeing Noah for the first time.  Those that know me, know that I get a bit squeamish around any kind of bodily fluid.  But I had made up my mind that I wanted to be the one to catch my son.  After a split second of hesitation I was able to catch Noah.  I will never forget that moment, it will forever remain in the top 5 moments of my life.

I don’t know if it was exhaustion or what, but as soon as I saw Noah I couldn’t hold back the tears.   I couldn’t stop myself… I cried.  It was so amazing to be holding our son.  Time stood still as Amber and I just stared at our son.  Tears streaming down my face.   There was a new life in our arms.

I can’t remember what was going through my head.  I think it was just a blank sense of amazement.  Our lives would forever be changed by something so tiny.  Something that had been growing inside Amber for the past 9 months was suddenly very tangible and real.

Awhile later I was able to complete the second task I had decided I wanted to perform.  Cutting the umbilical cord.  The significance of both catching Noah and cutting the cord hasn’t sunk in all the way yet.  But it was definitely an important time for me.  Being able to welcome my son into this world was something that I had thought about a lot during the months leading up to his birth.

It was a crazy experience.  But I wouldn’t have had it any other way.  Being able to relax at home and be in complete control of our surroundings as Amber labored was amazing.  Not to mention the fact that we weren’t pressured into doing anything we weren’t comfortable with.  Our midwife said that had we been in the hospital Amber probably would have been strongly recommended to have a c-section, which in hindsight would have been unnecessary and would have taken so much of what I enjoyed about the birth away.  It might not be for everyone but for us it was the only way to go.

If anyone has any questions or comments about home births please feel free to contact me.  I’m no expert but I’d love to be a resource as someone who has been through it personally.  I’m sure Amber would be willing to answer questions as well.

Next post – the first few weeks, a haze that I’m not completely out of yet.

Amber worked late that day. I got there at my usual time, about 7 a.m. that morning. Amber called me when she got to work around 11 a.m. and asked to meet me halfway between our buildings. We met in the courtyard. We sat on one of the many benches and she told me the amazing, life changing news.

She was pregnant, we were having a baby. She had taken two tests because she couldn’t believe it but the second only confirmed the first. I remember being in shock, not really worried or scared. Just in disbelief. I remember immediately going into planning-mode. We had just started committing to getting our finances in order and the news just put a very clear deadline for that to fall into place. I started thinking about all the things we needed to do to get ready.

I think Amber sensed that my mind has just gone nuts, and she snapped me out of it. From the beginning I’ve always known that everything would be fine. Not that it would be easy, but that it would all work out, one way or the other. For better or worse Amber and I had started down a new path in our lives and there was no turning back. But that prospect was exciting and I wouldn’t trade the direction of our lives for anything.

I spent the rest of that day with perma-smile. We had decided that we would enjoy the moment together and keep it to ourselves for a little while. We were going to Glenwood Springs that weekend to celebrate our Wedding Anniversary so we planned on breaking the news when we got back from that trip. I remember people asking me if Amber was pregnant a couple times that day… it was like I had it written on my face, but I denied it and we kept it to ourselves as planned.

I’ve felt like my life has been in fast forward since that day. It’s strange how the older you get the faster life seems to pass you by. Amber was due on April 2, 2006. I still feel like I was sitting in that courtyard just yesterday.

Noah arrived right on time, on his due date. A 5% chance according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (http://www.pennhealth.com/health_info/pregnancy/000145.htm). He is just over three weeks and the time between then and now is a complete blur.

I was fortunate enough to have an amazing boss that allowed me to work from home for the first few weeks. Until this past Monday I had been with Noah every day since he was born. I was always amazed how much our parents always wanted to see Noah and could hardly wait to pick him up and hold him. Now I understand, it took only 4 hours of not seeing him to make me realize how much I missed him.

Now that there is some background and context to me becoming a parent, in the next few posts I’ll be writing about some of my experiences in fatherhood thus far. I’m clearly no professional, so this will be the random and biased thoughts and observations of a first time parent.

It’s nothing like I imagined. And that’s an understatement. It’s better than I ever could have imagined, but also completely different.

Stay tuned.